


dear joshua (do you remember?)

by whatareuanacorn



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Letters, M/M, i dont know how to tag this, idk - Freeform, lowercase intended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 06:45:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6894322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatareuanacorn/pseuds/whatareuanacorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i'll love you forever.</p><p>yours, tyler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	dear joshua (do you remember?)

may 7th, 2019

dear joshua,

happy anniversary.  
i couldn't think of anything to do this year, when you've already spent seven years with the one you love, you kind of run out of things to do.   
i decided to just write you a letter.  
i want to tell you a story, our story.   
that sounds stupid because you know our story, but i want you to hear our story in my words.  
i want you to know what i think and feel.

i don't really know where to start now.

the beginning is probably the best bet.

i remember when i first saw you. you were stood in the crowd while i was playing and i remember looking over and seeing this kid with black curly hair and tunnels in his ears. he was lost. completely and utterly lost in the music i was playing and the words i was singing. he had rhythm, i could tell. 

his name was joshua william dun. i made sure i met him after the show. do you remember meeting? i was nervous. you were nervous. it went horribly. 

you told me everything you loved about my bands set. you were so nice. we exchanged numbers, i'm not really sure  _why_ we exchanged numbers, but we did and i started talking to the most incredible man i had ever had the pleasure of meeting.

we started talking plans and dreams pretty quickly. you told me how you play drums and you never had a single lesson, you taught yourself by going to music stores and banging on their test kits (a story you later told the world multiple times.) 

a few months into us meeting, you told me that joining my band was a small dream of yours, and had been since you saw us play live. when chris left, you were my first and only option. and it was the best decision of my life. 

i remember our first show.

you were so nervous.

we sat back stage and i held your hand tight and told you how incredibly talented you are and how everyone in that crowd was going to adore you.  
i was right, wasn't i?

do you remember our first bow together? you were gripping me so tight. you were shaking with fear and adrenaline. i thought you were going to pass out. 

from that day on, you've been my right side, joshua. 

do remember when we released regional at best? i remember your words. i'll always remember your words. 'another piece of you is out there, tyler. another piece of you is there for people to digest and love and hate. and theres something new this time, i'm part of it, too.'   
i don't know why that stuck with me so much. your words often stick with me. 

do you remember signing to fueled by ramen? that was one of the best days we had together.

your smile.

i'll never forget your smile.

you were so happy.

so _proud_ of us.

you made me feel like i had a reason to be there. 

one of my favourite memories lies five days before today, seven years ago.   
you were nervous, yet again.   
i remember you chewing on your lip, not meeting my eyes as you quietly told me you had something important to say. 

it was just two days after we got signed. we were still hyped up. 

'tyler,' you whispered, 'i think i might be in love with you.' 

it took me five days.

you were scared you'd ruined everything. 

i found you crying, and when i asked what was wrong, you were begging me to forget. to not hate you. 

i told you not to be so silly.

do you remember when i asked you to be my boyfriend? seven years ago today, i utter the words - 'maybe this is stupid, considering the band and stuff, but would you maybe like to be my boyfriend?' and you cried some more. 

joshua dun, for seven years you've been my entire world. 

do you remember vessel's release? remember how i cried because my heart and soul was out there, on a label this time, for the world to hear. you held me, telling me how proud you were. you made me feel okay. 

touring with you was incredible. too incredible to even talk about. we remember our tours in different ways and i love that. we were together and that's what really mattered. 

blurryface.

blurryface changed our lives and i still don't know whether it was good or bad. 

our fans. the clique. they were so proud. we gave our all for them, josh. 

do you remember staying up late at night, talking about our thoughts and plans for the album?

that was the first time you really admitted you needed help.

i'd known you had anxiety since we met, and i knew you had depression, but you never dared admit it. 

'tyler, i think i'm going to seek help. this is only getting worse.' 

i cried. 

i told you how much i loved you and how proud of you i was. 

do you remember when i told you that you saved my life?

that night was filled with tears, laughter and love. 

you asked me about my attempts. you asked me why and how and you held me. you made me feel like i had a reason to still be alive.

you are my reason for living, joshua dun. 

kids told us that same thing every night.

life is crazy, josh.

we were helping people.

blurryface changed a lot of things. we finally had an outlet both of us shared with hundreds, thousands of people. the shows every night were our release. blurryface had always been a part of me. but once i made him real, it made everything harder. i was struggling.

we drifted after the bluryface tour finished. it was no ones fault. we needed a break from each other. i stayed at home in ohio, you stayed with your friends in la. 

i missed you everyday.

do you remember when i rung you, crying because of the pressure. 

you came home as soon as you could and you held me, telling me stories and your thoughts and i fell more and more in love every second. 

do you remember the first show of the emotional roadshow? you held my hand for the first time on stage that night. after the show i couldn't stop kissing you (mark had to separate us, remember?) because i was so happy. people  _knew._ people knew i was in love with you. 

half way through the tour, everything came crashing down.

fame.

depression.

anxiety.

separation. 

i found you on the bathroom floor, blood on your shirt. 

we got you help.

things seemed okay again. 

the show must go on.

the show  _always_ goes on.

that's what ruined this whole thing. 

we had to keep going, even when we were breaking. 

i kind of always had fears of one of us reaching that point. the point of no return. 

i was scared one of us was going to give up. 

i always thought it would be me. 

i always worried i would go too far. 

i worried you'd find me dead.

i worried i wouldn't say goodbye to you.

do you remember kissing me on september 17th? it was like your life depended on it.

it clearly wasn't enough.

september 18th 2017, i found you on the bathroom floor. 

you weren't crying this time. 

do you remember me screaming?

do you remember the ambulance? 

do you remember me visiting you in hospital and you crying, saying how sorry you were.

we ended twenty one pilots pretty soon after that. 

we watched our fans fall apart, just like us.

impact.

relativity.

we were breaking and so were they. 

but things would be okay.

they had to be okay.

do you remember when i asked you to marry me?

that was a year ago today. 

how can i top that anniversary present, eh?

do you remember telling me how happy you were to be alive?

do you remember telling me you promised to give me the world?

you promised to be by my side forever. 

my right side man.

you broke that promise, joshua. 

because right now, you're in front and below me. 

june 12th 2018. 

six days before your birthday. 

i had that feeling. 

that same feeling i'd had twice before. 

i approached the bathroom with caution. 

i knew this time. 

i knew. 

 

you were gone, josh. 

you are gone. 

 

i wish i'd have known how hard life had gotten for you, josh.

 

i wish you spoke to me.

 

you saved me.

 

i could have saved you.

 

i always thought it would be me to kill myself. 

not you.

 

joshua dun, you were and always will be my moon, sun and stars. 

things were too much.

things are too much, josh.

it's nearly been a year. 

clock is ticking. 

life is fading.

time is wasting. 

 

see you soon. 

 

i'll love you forever.

yours, tyler 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry oops


End file.
